


Before I Go To Sleep

by DrarryMalecLover101 (orphan_account)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Drama, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Is Not Who They Seem, Head Injury, Jonathan deserves all the hate this time, M/M, Madzie is their daughter, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Malec are divorced, Memory Loss, Psychological Horror, identity theft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:01:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27059950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/DrarryMalecLover101
Summary: Magnus Bane wakes up every day remembering nothing as the result of a traumatic accident in his past. One day, new terrifying truths emerge that force him to question everyone around him100% Based off the movie of the same title.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac
Comments: 9
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I’m back with another one for you all. So this isn’t necessarily a happy one. And the ‘happy ending’ here is actually kind of ambiguous if I’m going to be honest. But nobody dies so there’s that at least? Warnings will be in each chapter.
> 
> For this chapter there are no additional warnings. Enjoy lovelies!

My eyes flicker open as the dream ends. I bolt up in bed, trying to recall the exact details of what I was dreaming about, but it’s already faded from my mind. I stare around the room, confused and unsure. My eyes land on the man sleeping next to me, and they widen. How? How the hell did I end up at some random stranger’s house?

I slink out of the bed, quietly making my way towards where the restroom is and shutting the door silently. The bathroom is a typical one, save for the numerous pictures on the walls of me and the man I woke up next to. Hell, there’s even wedding photos. 

My confusion escalating, I open the bathroom door again, only to find the strange man sitting at the edge of the bed, almost as if he’s been waiting for me.

“Who are you?” I ask, and he looks up at me.

“I’m your husband, Alec,” he replies softly.

“What?!” I ask, incredulously.

“We got married in nineteen-ninety-nine. It was fourteen years ago. Magnus,” he says, seeing the shock on my face. “You’re forty. You had an accident. It was a bad accident. You had head injuries. You have problems remembering things.”

“What things? Wha-?”

“Everything. You store up enough information for one day, and then when you wake up again the next morning it’s all gone. You’re back to your early twenties.” He approaches me, a sympathetic look on his face as he sees the panic in my eyes.

“It’ll be okay. Just, please, trust me.”

“I’m scared,” I breathe out, 

“I know. I know, it’s alright,” his voice is soft as he cups my face in his hands. “I love you.” He pulls me into his arms. “I love you, Magnus.”

~~~

“We’ve been married for fourteen years. We met during your last semester in grad school. You had your Master’s in History, and we got married a couple of months after that,” Alec explains to me.

We’re sitting on the couch now, flipping through photo albums filled with pictures of us.

“I’d have been perfectly happy with a courthouse wedding, but you wanted a real wedding. I hated every moment of it until I saw you walking down the aisle,” he gives me a pinched smile, one that shows me how much pain this has all caused him.

“Is everyday like this?” I ask. “Is everyday the same?”

“There’s a list of everything you might need, and where you’ll find it,” Alec replies, promptly ignoring my question. “Aspirin, paper towels, soap, all your makeup and gels, things that you’re allergic to, and a list of things to do. You like to keep busy.”

“Pack bags?” I ask, looking at the list he’s shown me.

“Today’s our anniversary,” he replies with a nod. “I’m taking you out of town tonight after work.”

“Where?”

“That’s a surprise,” he winks. “A nice one. You’ll understand when we get there. I promise.” He leans in to try and kiss me, and instinctively I pull away. He sighs. “I love you, Magnus.”

And then he’s gone, leaving me alone in the house.

I spend a little while looking around, getting to know the house and trying desperately to recall any memories about it, only to come up completely empty. It’s only thirty minutes later when the phone rings.

No sooner have I answered it when a voice speaks from the phone.

“Magnus? It’s Doctor Catarina Loss. That will mean nothing to you, I know, but don’t worry. We’ve been doing some work on your memory, alright? We’re trying to figure out precisely what’s caused your problem, and whether there’s anything we can do to fix it.”

“Alec didn’t say anything about this,” I frown.

“I’m not sure Alec knows,” Dr. Loss replies.

“I don’t understand.”

“Magnus, I want you to do something for me. I want you to open the wardrobe in your bedroom. Your wardrobe in the bedroom.”

Already I’m racing off towards the bedroom, my curiosity getting the best of me.

“We’re looking for something that’s hidden at the bottom of the wardrobe, at the back, and in a drawer.”

“What am I looking for?” I ask.

“We’re looking for a shoebox. Can you see it?”

I search, frowning once more and shaking my head. “No…”

“Try the right hand wardrobe. The one closest to the bathroom.”

This time, my search brings up results. I grab the shoebox from the wardrobe, open it, and pull out a camera.

“Have you found the camera yet, Magnus?”

“Yes,” I reply.

“On the top right hand side of the camera is a power button. I want you to switch the camera on. After that, I want you to hit the play button on the back of the camera.”

I follow the instructions to a tee, and settle myself in to watch the video on the small screen.

 _”My name is Magnus Bane. I’m forty years old and I have a memory span of exactly one day. Tonight, before I go to sleep, my mind will erase everything. Everything that I know today, everything I did today will be gone. I will wake up tomorrow like I did this morning, thinking that I have my whole life ahead of me. But the truth is, half of my life is already over. Oh, shit!”_ I watch my past self look offscreen before turning back to the camera. _”He’s coming!”_

And the video stops playing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus discovers the truth of what really happened to him, and it turns out that Alec may not be as honest as he portrays himself to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of a past attempted murder.

**Two Weeks Earlier…**

~~~

“Admittedly this isn’t a run of the mill doctor patient relationship,” Dr Loss tells me as we drive down the road towards her office. “Picking you up from home, driving you to my office, seeing you without your husband’s knowledge,” she glances towards me, and I sigh as I stare out the window at the rain. “You alright?” She asks. I nod, and the ride continues in silence.

Eventually we reach the parking garage where Dr Loss’s office is located, and she begins to speak again.

“I saw you in the park,” she starts. “Six months ago, quite by chance actually. You’d been referred to me by a colleague but I had absolutely no luck getting a hold of you. In fact, I recognized you from your photograph in the file. I explained to you that I was a neuropsychologist and that I was preparing a paper on atypical psychogenic amnesia, and that I was prepared to treat you on a pro bono basis. You agreed to give me the telephone numbers you had written in your diary.” She steps out of the car, and I follow suit as she continues. “I called you a few days later. You didn’t remember meeting me of course, but you did consent to see me again. Later that day you told me that you’d mentioned the possibility of further treatment to Alec, who made it very clear to you that you’d received extensive attention in the past, and that it had done nothing other than to upset you.” 

We’ve been walking towards the elevator leading up to Dr. Loss’s office this whole time, and she gestures now for me to step inside, “After you.”

The rest of the walk towards Dr. Loss’s office is silent, and she doesn’t speak again until we’ve both sat down. She hands me a camera.

“I want you to keep a visual diary. I’ve set the time and date and I’ve put in the biggest memory chip I can find. It’ll allow you to hold on to the previous day’s memories. And even if the previous days before and after the attack remain blank, at least this will bring some continuity to-“

“Attack?” I hold up a hand to stop her. “What attack?”

Dr. Loss looks up at me sympathetically. “Ten years ago, you were found on an industrial lot, not far from here. According to the medical report, your injuries were commencerent with repeated blows to the head.”

“No...no, my husband said that I had an accident. I’m sure of it,” I shake my head, and the confusion must be written all over my face, because Dr. Loss continues.

“I have a copy of the medical report here.” She slides a file in my direction. “Some newspaper articles as well, mostly tabloid. There’s very little information about the actual attack.”

I flip the file open, my eyes catching on the nearest headline. “Left for dead?!” I read out in shock. “Someone tried to kill me?”

Dr. Loss only responds with a nod.

“Who? Who tried to kill me?”

“No one knows.”

“What?!”

“No one but you,” she clarifies.

After the session is over, Dr. Loss walks me back to her car. I’m still too stunned by the revelations I’ve discovered to say much of anything, but it seems Dr. Loss still has some things to say to me.

“I don’t think Alec should know about the camera. It’s your diary. I think it’s important that you don’t feel constrained by the thought of Alec checking up on your innermost thoughts and feelings.”

“If I don’t tell Alec, then how will I even know the camera exists?”

“You could hide it at the bottom of your wardrobe, in the back. I’ll call you in the morning to remind you. Is that a yes or a no?”

“Yes. Yes, I want to get well, if I can.”

The drive home is a silent one, and I’m aware that there’s a lot for me to have to think about. Hopefully, the video diaries will work. I decide if I’m going to do this, I’ll have to start tonight.

~~~

I manage to get some time away to myself later that evening. While Alec makes coffee, I go into the master bathroom and begin my first video diary entry.

“My name is Magnus Bane. I’m forty years old and I have a memory span of exactly one day. Tonight, before I go to sleep, my mind will erase everything. Everything that I know today, everything I did today will be gone. I will wake up tomorrow like I did this morning, thinking that I have my whole life ahead of me. But the truth is, half of my life is already over. Oh, shit!” I hiss as I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. “He’s coming!” I shut the camera off before rushing to hide the camera. It gets placed in a shoebox in the back of the wardrobe, and afterwards I quickly jump into bed, pretending to be asleep just as Alec comes in.

“Magnus?” He asks, but when I don’t answer, he walks away. 

I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. It doesn’t feel good to keep secrets from my husband, but then again he wasn’t exactly completely honest with me, so I feel at least a little justified in my actions.

As I slowly drift off to sleep, I wonder if I’ll remember even five minutes of today in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like Alec is keeping some secrets from bae. How do you guys feel about that?

**Author's Note:**

> So? What did you think? Kinda suspicious not to get Alec involved in Magnus’s treatment I would say, but what do you guys think? Let me know in the comments. I want your theories as to what might happen next. 👀 🍵


End file.
